Overcome by Joy

            With memory as my companion I wander through the wilds of reality pondering my course.  Regret besets me as I plot my path amidst the contradictory voices that are carried by a cruel wind of uncertainty.  This is my life.  Not the worst, but not the best.  A convoluted mass of emotions and haphazard attempts at logic and objectivity, my days are long and my months short.  Sometimes I can walk evenly, but mostly I feel as though I crawl through the countless hours of gray and sprint through the summer sun.
            My greatest adversity is myself and the workings of my mind.  Familiar with doubt and failure, I seek to stand on solid ground but slip into the quicksand whenever I stand on my own.  Then I watch in pathetic apathy as the sand of my accomplishments sifts through my hands.  Ashen and shattered are dreams which sometimes I think I never had.  My condition seems dismal amidst the darkening skies.  A broken world surrounds me as it longs to be set free, but those who would free it bind it instead.  For all of this I will not lose hope.  Yet, hope alone will not stand within my mind.  I need something real.  That is what I’ve found.
            More terrifying than any amount of darkness or despair is joy that comes from the maker of my heart.  Even in small doses I feel its power, power to unmake and erase, and I shrink back lest I cease to exist.  Never before could I have imagined that in joy and happiness I would find the truth about fear.  Fear is the feeling that you will be unmade by an absolutely righteous God.  Fear that now I would be happy with such.  And I still would.
            Never forsaken and never forgotten I teeter on the edge of oblivion and bliss.  Words could never capture the elation and terror that courses through my veins when the truth of love, justice, and absolute sovereignty overwhelm me.  It is as though I was a wineskin in which wine overflowed and came even to the point of bursting.  I could never contain such a joy through the mere thing that I am, and thus I know that I am being made still.  He who has begun the work will not stop until it is done. 

Praise be to God, the one the only.

Comments

  1. koreyApril 5, 2011 at 10:11 AM

    Barah-made from nothing
    Asah-to make something suitable
    keep it up jesse. Keep following and being made new, its beautiful.

    ReplyDelete

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